FEAR RESPONSE

The project I responded to most strongly was Alex and his presentation on lack of control. It was about how he feels like things out of his control could be helped by him personally when in fact there was nothing he could do about it. His presentation was my favorite and definitely the most vocal for the class as we, I guess I should say I, because I derailed his presentation wholesale, went on a 10 minute conversation or more on how we feel about choice in video games. His topic though and the means he went about creatively dispelling his fear was amazing. I don't play games a lot of the time the bad way when there is a choice because I, as a person and not a digital character, have feelings and play those games with the presence of mind that I'm playing them as if I were in the game making those decisions as myself. His choice to be a complete prick and blow up a town full of innocent people just to take out his frustrations really demonstrates the therapeutic aspect that playing games can have and why I'm so against the argument of games are detrimental to the attitudes and behaviors of children and people. Its as simple as if you have problems with violence or anger, games may not be for you! Or if you don't like the message in the games that are out there and don't want your kids exposed, don't buy them! That's all you can do! It's the same with any other objectionable content that is harmful or considered "potentially harmful". As much as people want to get rid of porn, or cigarettes or illicit drugs they will always be there because it makes some big wig at a chair smoking a fat stogie millions of dollars. Sometimes you just have to relinquish control and just accept the fact that shit happens whether you like it or not and no matter how much of a stink you raise it will never go away. This is why Alex's presentation spoke so strongly with me. I loved his creative outlet and wish I had time to just be a prick in games all the time!

Altared Book Post

Seeing as I forgot to post about my altared book before it was due at noon, I figure I'll say a little something about it now. My altared book is a subject of absolute hatred for me. See before I went to IUPUI, I attended ITT Tech, it was the worst experience of my entire life. It was easy, laid back and simple. We were spoon fed mediocre techniques in outdated software. All for a grand total of $35,000 for a two year program for an associates degree that meant nothing whatsoever. So I included everything I needed to from each assignment we did, thought my main focus was pouring out all the things I would say to any member of ITT Tech's Corporate bullshit artists or anyone attending ITT to try to save them from the hell that I endured for two years because I thought that was what college was. I thought college was getting shoved through class with elevator pitches and used car sales pitches to get my ass in a seat so they could suck the lifeblood of my financial security out of me until there's just a blackened husk as the last penny leaves my cold dead hands in my grave...This project really let me express my frustrations but unfortunately they still linger and are a source of contempt still. I was angry doing this project, doing my satirically sarcastic political cartoon style drawings. It just reminded me of the hell I went through obliviously because no one was there to decipher the financial jargon and the mumbo jumbo knowing that I'll just agree to their imprisoning terms and shitty conditions. They used the bait of "Here you don't have to pay for books" and "you only have to go to classes three days a week to be full time!" to lure students fresh out of high school or those of financial insecurity into their dungeons where they shackle you with that $ ball and chain that only grows at 16% interest. This rant is long but I just wanted to express how much emotion went into this book.

Class takeaway 12/9

Boy oh boy finals week is crazy...I feel bad I keep missing this class but the time to get my comic finished was absolutely necessary. Ugh a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders this week. I can finally start to relax

Class takeaway 12/2

This class was a little more nerve wracking because i had to present but i got some really good feedback on my fear. I loved how engaged the class got on alex's conversation about video games and it was literally my fault...oh well i hope it reflects in participation grade! Haha

Class takeaway 11/25

Im really interested in seeing everyones fear projects. It seems like the ones that have gone so far are very thoughtful and they really dove in deep to analyze what makes them afraid. Im even kind of excited to show mine.

Fear factor

1. My fear is an anxiety. It is an anxiety about driving new or unfamiliar places. Also i have an anxiety about my creative projects. I never feel they are done or dont look as good as they should.
2. I notice fear in my life semi regularly especially the creative kind but more recently the unfamiliar places kind. Especially with my school projects do i notice the creative fear.
3. My fears keep me from doing many things especially trying new things or going new places. The creative one keeps me from accepting my work as genuine and my criticisms put a shadow over what ive created.
4. Fear is a learned experience. I hate to be lost, the uncertainty of finding your way back, the tightness in your chest that comes with it, even if its a street or two over or a missed turn. The creative fear, im not sure about a use for that one, it keeps me on my toes creatively but lately its just a nuisance.
5.  It doesnt affect my life too bad unless i need to drive somewhere. The other one hinders my creative mojo. I feel like what i make isnt good enough
6. My fear takes the form of a line drawing i created. Its very maze like and tight. Symbolizing how i feel and what i see in my minds eye. It also kind of tackles my other fear because i disnt care how it looked it just was how it was.
7. It makes me conceptualize how i view my anxiety. I mean in this day and age its kind of hard to be lost with our phones being gps and all. But drawing out how i feel kind of helps release the tension.

Who are you and what are you doing here?

For this assignment, i really had to work hard to think about what really defines who i am and why am i here, i decided on the one side of my contour drawing with the drawing itself to be my "who am i?" side. I decided to take an obvious approach and write pronouns like me, myself, i, identity, flattop, nerd, pessimist, conundrum, caring, and intelligent. I couldn't really think of anything that defines who i am very clearly and it kind of ended up looking like the tags in a dating website profile... On the other side, i dedicated it to the "what am i here for?" section. I filled that page with all sorts of words that define my interests, things i love, duties, family, and my goals in life. This side i had much more fun with as i could really let loose because i know what i like and what i need in my life, where i want to go in life and the journey i want to have getting there. I know things won't go according to plan every step of the way, but that's part of the journey too. This experiment helped me delve deep into how i function on an emotional and personal level and helped me grasp better how to answer the questions "who are you?" and "what are you doing with your life?".